I love you so much I would delete almost all of my porn for you.
There are 3 kinds of people in the world…those who can count and those who can’t.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
Cheese is milk's leap towards immortality.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
A true friend is someone who knows you are crazy, but still chooses to be seen in public with you anyway.
When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'
Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support. (And if they're male, then touching your boobs also applies.)
Have a nice life ahh who am I kidding, I hope you get hit by a moving truck.
You took my daughter's virginity! Sorry sir, it won't happen again...
Were you dropped on your head when you were younger? Yeah, in a pool of sexy.
Love doesn't pay bills, unless you're a prostitute.
I speak 4 languages: English, Profani